The secret burden that is impacting your fertility every day.

Sunday morning guilt.

You caved and had three champagnes at your bestie’s wedding yesterday.
Even after promising yourself AGAIN not to drink any alcohol.
The internal monologue whizzes around your head faster and faster.
"You’ve ruined your chances of conceiving this month. For what? Why’d you do it"

Cue the punishment….

Or better yet a solution to get back on track again.
This week I’m going to eat perfectly.
No coffee at all.
Early to bed every night.
Right? Yeah, that’s great,

Until it isn't.

Because the rules we create from all the advice is unattainable.
THEN, breaking one of the rules ends in devastation.
Complete defeat.

It’s a spiral.

You may be familiar with it too.
It's already so unfair you are struggling with something that so many women seem to do so easily.
Then you have to give up everything you love.
To be frank.
It's bullshit.

What if I told you, you don't give up everything?

The truth is you won’t ruin your chances of conceiving by having a few drinks at a wedding.
Or from that extra coffee, you desperately needed to get through work on Wednesday.

The little things aren't stopping you from getting pregnant each month.
Something you’re dealing with every day is having a bigger impact.

Your fertility doesn't demand perfection.

But the story you created in your head does.

It’s the story that is setting you up to fail.
I get it.
A fertility journey can feel like a marathon that you never trained for, let alone signed up for.

But, you can't expect to keep running the whole time.

I've been a part of hundreds of fertility journeys.
I know how important it is to listen to where you are at.
There are some days when you just need a break.

Honour that.

And forgive yourself.
Because you aren't broken.
There is no need to punish yourself.

It's time to drop the guilt.

It’s not a pass to get wasted on the weekends.
Or to go back to hot pilates 5 days a week.
It’s an opportunity to lean in and listen to what that voice in your head is saying.

Because that voice is unrelenting.
Reminding you constantly that you aren't pregnant.
That you're running out of time.
And you need to be doing more.

She needs to be heard.

Maybe your inner monologue is operating out of fear that pregnancy will never happen.
Or that it will never happen again.

Secondary infertility is just as painful.

That inner voice gets louder and louder.
Because she is trying to take back control on a journey where you have felt like all control is taken away.
The big problem here is that when you break one of the rules, it translates into failure in every part of your life.

And you don't need that.

Find your balance.

I mean balance in ALL parts of your life.
I repeat.
Balance.
Not Perfection.

Remember the 80/20 rule.
Do the right thing 80% of the time.
The 20% outside of the routine won't ruin your chances of pregnancy.

Take all your supplements.
Eat well and track your cycle.
But stay balanced.
It’s all for nothing if the crazy voice in your head won't stop punishing you.
She’s creating the very stress you are trying to get rid of.

And it forms a big part of chronic stress.

Don't worry, I've got you.
This is how you get her to chill:

• Allow yourself to listen to what that voice has to say.
  This might be through journaling, counselling or meditation. Underneath all the guilt will be some pretty strong feelings. Understanding these feelings is key to putting an end to the guilt trip.
• Start a daily gratitude practice.
  Because you are doing the best you can. Remember it every day.
• Don't do it all on your own.
  It's hard to be the expert, researcher, planner and patient. Find the support you align with. It might look like a nutritionist, acupuncturist or psychologist.

So here is your reminder.

You don't have to keep punishing yourself.
Or live like a hermit to fall pregnant.
But the fear.
The anxiety.
The unworthiness.
The sadness and anger….

Are all valid.

And will not stop you from falling pregnant if you stop and listen to what underneath those thoughts.
In fact, it will help you do the opposite.
The relief you will feel daily will be worth it.
I promise.
Because you will start working with what YOU need.

Both physically and emotionally.

That drink you had with your husband over dinner on Friday didn't kill your egg quality overnight.

If you are living your life in balance 80% of the time and are still not pregnant, I guarantee there will be a reason.
It's never too early to reach out for extra support.

Is there something you are struggling with on your fertility journey? Something your inner voice won't give you a break from?

Hit reply, I'm always here to help you find the support you need.

Jaya x