The Unseen Struggle Behind the Fertility Facade

This week in my clinic, a client confided that she doesn't recognize herself anymore. The happy, outgoing version of herself has been replaced by someone anxious, unhappy, and numb.
She admitted it feels scary, fearing this might be who she is now forever.

The truth is, I have these conversations with my clients every week. If this feels like you, you're not alone.

For many of us (especially the women I work with), we're accustomed to being organized, prepared, and able to find answers to any problem.

Then suddenly, we're thrown into a situation where:

1. We often don't get a clear reason why we aren't getting pregnant
2. We don't get an end date
3. We have absolutely no control over the situation

What can help? It depends on who you ask.

These factors alone are enough to make you feel CRAZY and worried that something is wrong.
Cue the endless late-night Google rabbit holes.

Add to that the sight of friends falling pregnant effortlessly, regardless of their health priorities, and the emotional toll multiplies.
Nothing about infertility is fair – I hear you!

That's why making extreme statements about what it takes to fall pregnant (e.g., only eating organic, giving up coffee completely) adds unnecessary pressure. In my 14 years of practice, I've seen babies conceived in all sorts of situations and by people from all walks of life. I can tell you, there isn't a magical answer.

But there is a common thread among these women: they all feel the same despair, the same deep-seated pain.
Well-meaning advice from friends can't ease this pain because each woman feels like her happy ending will never come—until it does.

Trying to be positive can feel like a hard task, but what I do recommend is taking each day as it comes. Focus on adding in the little things.
It will help, I promise.

Here are some techniques that I recommend:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Suppressing these emotions often makes them stronger. Allow yourself to experience them without judgment.
2. Practice Self-Care: Prioritise activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could be anything from reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a walk in nature. Practices like meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises can help manage stress and anxiety.
3. Set Boundaries: It's okay to decline baby shower invitations or limit time with pregnant friends if it's too painful. Protect your emotional well-being.
4. Find Your Team: I can't tell you how helpful it is to get the right support. Find the people you align with.
5. Map Out Your Next Steps: If you're a fellow type A personality, having a plan will make you feel better. Work with your team to outline potential next steps. Having a roadmap can reduce anxiety and help you feel more prepared for whatever comes next.

If this any of this resonates with you, I want you to know that this version of you right now—the one that feels like a shell of your former self—is not your new normal.

This is a season of your life.
A stormy one, certainly, but a season, nonetheless.
You can get through this one step at a time.

I promise you will come back to yourself.

Jaya x