Is Toxic Positivity Holding You Back? Do This Instead
Sep 27, 2024
How many times have you been told, “Just be positive!” while navigating your fertility journey? Too many times, right?
Let’s be honest—that advice often feels hollow. The underlying message?
If you acknowledge your true feelings—fear, anxiety, or even anger—you’re somehow sabotaging your chances of conceiving.
But here’s the truth: Our emotions, no matter how “negative” they seem, are incredibly useful.
I was reminded of this during a mindset session with the amazing Sandra Chuma. She is an expert at helping you master your mindset, identity and habits. While we weren’t specifically talking about fertility, her insights hit home.
We explored how fear shows up in our lives, and I realized I’d been living with fear without even knowing it.
You might be too.
For me, fear manifested as the need to stay busy and work hard, which led to tightness in my chest and constant fatigue. Deep down, my fear was that my dreams wouldn’t come true—that all my hard work might end in failure.
Does that sound familiar?
Sandra shared something that completely shifted my perspective:
Fear is a messenger, not a villain.
We can change our relationship with it.
Here’s the simple formula she gave me that has worked wonders:
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Feel – Where do you feel the emotion in your body? Close your eyes and identify it.
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Emotion – Name the emotion. Where did it start? What triggered it?
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Allow – Let the emotion be there without trying to bury it.
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Let it go – Use breath work, movement, or journaling (my favourite!) to release it.
Journaling has been a powerful way for me to feel free from fear and anxiety, and many of my clients have experienced the same as they navigate their fertility journeys.
I truly believe in leaning into our emotions—not to wallow in them but to honour where we are, so we can move through them.
I truly believe in leaning into our emotions—not to wallow in them but to honour where we are, so we can move through them.
So next time someone says, “Just be positive,” pause and ask yourself, What am I really feeling? What is this emotion trying to tell me?
It’s not about pushing feelings away; it’s about understanding and using them with compassion.
And let me reassure you—acknowledging your emotions won’t harm your chances of getting pregnant. In fact, it might just help you move forward with more clarity and strength.
You’re not alone, and those emotions you feel? They’re not your enemy.
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